Arpeggio

              

               There are moments in life where there are no right answers.  Arpeggio changes in the music when we make up the dance steps as we go, but neither of us know where we’re going. Allegramente, our unsteady symphony that expands and contracts, ebbs and flows, but the lingering notes that haunt the air remain. Untouched. Allentando. Unfulfilled.

               

               Your crooked smile and cat eyes made you a thing of wonder to me. Something fey, something otherworldy. The way your eyes would dance when we were together made time stand still. Fermata. The way you would look at me like there was nothing else in the world. And in those moments I believed you.

              

                But either our time was too short or life changed too quickly; allegrezza amoroso a andante. In time we each found ourselves in the arms of other lovers. But a message, a whisper, a glance, and both of us would know that the notes of our song had not faded.

              

                Allegro. A crescendo would crash as we came together. And I would find myself transported to another place. A place of sound, and touch and emotion that pull through my soul like the sun’s warmth and alight my mind with its radiance.

              

               Then the day after I would stare out the window at a snowy, grey landscape and my eerie world would be quiet and calm once more.

             

                 I look back over the paths our feet have walked together; hand in hand. I remember those slight caresses amidst the bitter cold. But neither of us noticed. We had our spirit to keep us warm.

              

                I still walk these paths alone and smile. Remembering. Wondering… listening to those notes falling with the rain drops in the air. Dolce. Dolente. Diminuendo.

Tezave

               There’s a certain numbness that sets in with age. It’s unfortunate and we don’t often like to talk about it; but it does happen. It’s  a distancing from feeling things too keenly. As children, we’re still learning to connect with those emotions as we enjoy all the wonder of discovery. As adolescents and teens we fight to understand these feelings as we have our first encounters with love.

              
              There is such naiveté in those years, but such combustion in their hearts of the young as well. I find myself missing those times. Those times when it was socially acceptable to feel that deeply, to love that much. To make another person your everything. Staying up late just talking on the phone. Writing notes just because you’re thinking about that person. I thought all of that gone forever.

                And then I met you.

            
                I didn’t believe you at first. I thought there was some trick to it. Some game, some angle. I hadn’t realized that I’d become that jaded and cynical. But I had. I held you at arm’s length because I wasn’t sure I could believe in you. It was like finding out magic was real, but not being prepared to believe.

            
               And now that magic is gone. Maybe it couldn’t have lasted. I don’t know. I feel like I’ve squandered eternity. I try my best to rationalize as I feel like I’m suffocating. I can’t breathe because all I want to do is scream your name and hope that you’ll hear me in some distant echo and remember what kindled our fire in the first place.

           
              But I can’t go back, and I can’t move forward holding this shattered spirit. So I cast the pieces to the wind and hope that one might find you and bring a smile to your face. And I continue on, hoping that the gods grant me that fire once again.